ASCII by Jason Scott

Jason Scott's Weblog

On Comments and Commentary —

I have a policy about comments. I probably should put it somewhere. How about here!

Some weblogs are in the business of hits. Among the things they do to ensure hits, besides writing about subjects that Adwords says a lot of people want to know about, is to try to keep a good frothy conversation going. In the case of the wordpress/weblog paradigm, this means getting people to drop comments under your posts.

I don’t quite work that way; I write these entries as little essays, little columns in which I like to think I’m presenting a clear idea and a thesis, and that’s that. Some of my entries might be meta-discussions (like this one) or some might just be a link to another site with a bunch of commentary and thoughts on it. But generally, they’re kind of intended to be self contained.

Note I’m not saying civil, all-encompassing, or the last word, but I don’t generally write them like I’m waiting breathlessly for other people to come in and “finish” them. I consider this an approach I call lazy as fuck. If my stuff can’t stand on its own, then I’m not happy with it.

People then comment underneath. Some people use it as a jumping off point for their own sub-entry, i.e. talking about themselves for some paragraphs. Some people tell me they agree with me, and then explain why. Other people say I’m a pile of bunk and explain that as well.

In most cases, I don’t respond. If I do respond, it’s because either I know the person on a different basis (Flack and I are buddies, Trixter and I do work together, Chris Orcutt‘s my longest friend at a quarter-century plus, etc.) or because they have a specific question they’re asking.

I feel like the whole thing turns into a sniping match and degrades the worth if every other post in the commentaries are the original writer going “No, no, you misunderstand”, or, in my case, consistently deep and inappropriate personal insults. So I let it be, even if it looks like the person needs a whack with my 8″ of floppy disk.

So I guess what I’m saying is, ask me questions in the comments and I’ll generally respond. Rant at me and make fun of me, and I’ll let your position stand without trying to dilute or mitigate you with an immediate “but wait” afterwards. Deal?

9 Comments

The Melee —

For nearly a week, I’ve had a window open on a news story. I’m mostly writing this because if I don’t do it, this window will stick around forever, begging me to do something with it.

The news story is a basic one. I’m pasting it here and here’s a link to it.

Father and son try to cut to front of line, go to jail
BY RICK YENCER (RYENCER@MUNCIE.GANNETT.COM)
JANUARY 13, 2009

MUNCIE — City police said a Frankfort man picked the wrong time to cut in line at the north Walmart store on Sunday, setting the stage for events that landed both him and his father in the Delaware County jail.

Edward R. Pluhar Jr., 26, was preliminarily charged with battery on police officer Chris Kirby, while his father, 61-year-old Edward R. Pluhar Sr., was preliminarily charged with criminal recklessness with a vehicle and intimidation.

According to police reports, officer Kirby was off duty as he waited in Walmart’s customer service line with his wife and daughter Sunday afternoon, and watched the younger Pluhar walk past him and directly to the service desk.

The police officer told Pluhar Jr. he needed to wait his turn, but the Frankfort man purportedly refused.

The elder Pluhar then allegedly approached the off-duty officer, told him to mind his own business and asked whether Kirby wanted to take the dispute outside.

When Kirby asked Pluhar Sr. what his intentions were, the Frankfort man purportedly said he would kick Kirby’s posterior and also suggested he might shoot him.

Kirby then informed the father and son that he was a police officer and called emergency dispatchers to send an on-duty officer to the scene.

The Pluhars then left the store, at 4801 W. Clara Lane, with Kirby following them to the parking lot and then standing behind their van as they attempted to leave.

The van, driven by the elder Pluhar, allegedly hit the officer’s leg. Kirby and the younger Pluhar then fought, reports said.

Patrol officers Kevin Durbin and Jess Neal then arrived and arrested the father and son without incident.

Edward Pluhar Sr. was released from the county jail Sunday after posting a $5,000 bond, while his son was released on a $2,500 bond.

Now, you read this little story, and assuming you don’t know any named folks or lived in the town, this article is of a specific relevance to you. If, however, you either know the people or lived in the town, it has another.

What fascinated me was that this news story has a comment section, and it started to go a little bonkers. Unfortunately, believing everyone is telling the truth, is who they are, or is remembering/describing things accurately requires a bit of a suspension of disbelief. To save you some time, here’s some relevant postings on there.

The Pluhars are Assholes

I have had dealings with both of these guys and it’s been a long time coming for them. In fact I’m kind of suprised this hasn’t happened to them sooner.

The Cop is an Asshole

I know from experience,that this police officer has and still does misuse his authority. he doesn’t need a uniform or a badge to think he is “The Punisher”. those just enhance his ego and makes him feel like he untouchable…I wonder if it is available to the public of ALL the complaints that have been filed against this police officer?

I have to say knowing Kirby this doesnt surprise me. If this had been any other officer there would not have been an issue. In this case A**es have a problem dealing with other A**es.

To bad that kriby didnt get his butt kicked. He is a thug in a police uniform. I have seen the way him and his dad treated the kids at wilson middle school, before they got the boot. haha

Too bad officer Kirby’s dad wasn’t there. Father & son, against father & son. Too bad for the Pluhars!! LOL

lol humm kirby most likely started it lmfao and is there such a law on the books u cant cut inline lol and kirby should have never got behide there van i see this as a case that want go to trial hick town muncie

Fuck Muncie, Fuck Frankfort

I am curious what a father and son from Frankfort was doing at the Muncie Store. Makes you wonder if they have something going with returning items. Hummm. Maybe Walmart and Police need to check into this. Kirby’s child must have been scared to death, how dare these thugs.

I am in Indy, Noblesville, Marion, Anderson or Kokomo on a daily basis. I did not know that I’m not allowed to shop at any of the stores there. I’m glad that you pointed out the fact that it is illegal. I hope your post serves to educate others and keep them out of trouble as well. Wait, just maybe it is not illegal to be in a store just because you don’t live in that city. I will call a lawyer and check. Hummm.

Kirby is a hot head. I bet a whole lot more went on outside the store then what he is stating. I’m sure he provoked them into something. Muncie police have a few hotheads and bad seeds. Until they fix these problems how can you trust any of them. They do lie and protect one another.

“Kirby is a hot head.” That is a flat out LIE! I personally know Kirby and his dad (Bill was an MPD legend) Chris is the most laid back guy I know, but not going to be pushed around either! Good job Chris I am proud of you!

Why does this stuff always happen at the Southside Wal-Mart. lol

I Have Absolutely No Additoional Facts But Don’t Let That Stop Me

It’s probably just a coincidence that they both have on black tee-shirts. i would be soooo wrong to assume that they are stereotypical bullies who wear Harley Davidson black shirts 24/7 365, and strut around with a chip on their shoulder like emotional 6 year olds trying to intimidate everyone with their ‘bad assedness”. So i won’t do that.

Good Job Officer Kirby!! I’m soooo glad to see someone standing up the a$$holes in this city. You put this white trash right were they belonged!!……What makes them think they are any better than anyone else? They should have waited in line like everyone else!!!!! I hope the judge really sticks it to them!!!!

His head is shaped more like a Pumpkin with all it’s innards scraped out and a “What, Me worry” (Alfred E Newman / G Bush) look on his face. Seriously. Those two fools need jail time with Bubba to get the crystal meth fight fuel out of their system and go on back to their Frankton lab…. 

I don’t live in your area, I found the link on the internet and read the story so I have no bias toward anyone involved in the incident.

From the tone of this story, it seems to me the officer escalated a situation that did not need to be turned into an incident. Sure, the guy was being a jerk but that’s not against the law. Cutting in line at Wal*Mart is not against the law. 

Based solely on the article, it appears we have an officer who likes the power of being able to arrest and control other people. At the very least, he went well over the top and contributed to an incident being escalated. 

If the men did what this story says then the law should treat them as such. However, this officer is not innocent and blameless in the situation and I hope the police chief will discipline the man for unnecessarily escalating a situation and acting in an unprofessional manner.

When the father allegedly walked up to the officer and told him to mind his own business and would he like to step outside (and this news article looks like it’s taken from the police report so it would be the officer’s version of events) the officer could have simply said no and defused the situation. Instead, it appears the officer wanted to provoke a confrontation. 

Standing behind the van to block it? That’s just immature and unprofessional. If the man used a credit card to pay, you can track the name. There are video cameras in Wal*Mart. There are ways to find out who the men were without blocking their vehicle and putting yourself in unnecessary danger.

There’s more, of course. Feel free to read them all via the clunky interface over at the page.

What interests me are the various meta-issues surrounding the article. I’ll list them off quickly:

  • The comments interface is a little dodgy, and can probably be improved.
  • The permalink structure is horrible, and points to some sort of insanity under the hood that will probably make it harder and harder to reference this article as time goes on. I hope they didn’t pay too much for it.
  • There’s heady discussion about what the rights of cops, of citizens, and of passerby are. Interesting, but the cramped comment box is one where you have to fight uphill to say things.
  • The original news story is terribly short. While it might not be expected that a line-jumping report would be the result of deep investigative reporting, I wonder whether this reporter would then take the suggestions of the commenters and go track down the two suspects and ask them for their side, and perhaps speak to the Wal-Mart to check out the tape of the incident. Obviously, the interest is there.
  • People will comment on anything, even with such a scant amount of information from a single source (it is obvious this article is from the police report and nothing else).

I’m hoping the standards for message base software improve, because it’s quite indicative from this article that there’s a lot of potential good/interest/knowledge to come from opening stories to the readers. If nothing else, you discover the relative literacy capability of the audience and work accordingly, but also see a new priority in what your audience wants to talk about. I wonder if any of this has come up around the Star Press.

2 Comments

FUCK THE CLOUD —

This will be the last time I go along this area of discussion for a while because it’s just going to get very old very quickly. But I wanted, in one place, a quick manifesto/rant about this position. So here we go.

FUCK THE CLOUD.

By the cloud, of course, I mean this idea that you have a local machine, a box running some OS, and a vital, distinct part of what you do and what you’re about or what you consider important to you is on other machines that you don’t run, don’t control, don’t buy, don’t administrate, and don’t really understand. These machines are connected via the internet, and if you have a company then these other machines are not machines run by your company, and if you’re a person they are giving it to you without you signing anything accompanied by cash or payment that says “and I mean it“.

Can I be clearer than that? It’s a sucker’s game. It’s a game suckers play. If you are playing it, you are a sucker.

The term, like many of its sort, has deep, deep roots in the industry that it’s being foisted upon. I’m in no mood to find specific citations today but you can be assured that the idea of a “cloud” to represent the outside network was on whiteboards that I saw working as a temp in NYNEX research labs in the late 1980s. And even by that date, it was an understood context, one going back years before.  (Terms I’ve seen retrofitted to give both the sense of timeliness and timelessness include zero-day, warez, and the war- prefix).

But this new round of it comes pre-packaged with marketer infestation. After all, it’s a great word: it insinuates soft fluffiness, a size and grandeur, and a fuzzy meaninglessness. So if you fail to deal with the underlying hard facts and cases, who can blame you? It’s a cloud. Soft, huggable cloud, I do love you and your rounded edges.

But what this all kind of hides is the situation of how you feel about stuff you generate.

Let me step aside and say that as a historian guy, I am big into collecting a lot of cast-offs. This is what I do. I’ve downloaded thousands of podcasts and millions of blog posts and a lot of other insane stupid stuff. We’ll get from that what we can, in the future. This is not about that.

This is about your data. This is about your work. This is about you using your time so that you make things and work on things and you trust a location to do “the rest” and guess what, here is what we have learned:

  • If you lose your shit, the technogeeks will not help you. They will giggle at you and make fun of your not understanding the fundamental principles and engineering of client-server models. This is kind of like firemen sitting around giggling at you because you weren’t aware of the inherent lightning-strike danger of improperly bonded CSST.
  • Since the dawn of time, companies have hired people whose entire job is to tell you everything is all right and you can completely trust them and the company is as stable as a rock, and to do so until they, themselves are fired because the company is out of business.
  • You are going to have to sit down and ask yourself some very tough questions because the time where you could get away without asking very tough questions with regard to your online presence and data are gone.

These questions that you have all work around that other overused word: value. To me, history guy, your old junk you used to do is of interest to me. But there’s a lot of people and a lot of stuff, so I wouldn’t want you to do it just for little ol’ me. But for yourself? What about yourself?

What of your work do you value? All of it? Likely not. The time you spend downloading a lot of porn, for example, is pretty cool, and if you lost all the porn, you’d probably be unhappy, but you could probably get the porn back or brand new porn that’s like porn 3.0 and new levels of porn. Probably the same for movies, for music – oh no, this data is gone, but why worry about it, you didn’t make the music or movies, so it’ll work itself out.

Less so the things you make: the writing, the linking of friends, the combined lists you collaborate on – maybe that has some value to you. When you die, of course, everyone else starts attaching arbitrary value to things you worked on or forgot about. A childhood photo of you has new meaning because the person the child became is gone. The essay you wrote in elementary school about being successful has more meaning because you turned out to be very successful. Again, this is value imposed from outside.

So what, then? What is really of meaning to you? Your twitters? Your weblog entries? Your list of bookmarks? Your photos? What?

Because if you’re not asking what stuff means anything to you, then you’re a sucker, ready to throw your stuff down at the nearest gaping hole that proclaims it is a free service (or ad-supported service), quietly flinging you past an End User License Agreement that indicates that, at the end of the day, you might as well as dragged all this stuff to the trash. If it goes, it’s gone.

There was a time when we gave the Cloud (before it was a Cloud) a big pass because technology was kind of neat and watching it all actually function is cool. I mean, if someone gives you an amazing Moon Laser and the Moon Laser lets you put words on the side of the moon, the fact that the Moon Laser’s effects wear off after a day or so isn’t that big a deal, and really, whatever you probably put on the side of the Moon with your Moon Laser is probably pretty shallow stuff along the lines of “WOW THIS IS COOL” and “FUCK MARS”. (Again, to belabor, a historian or anthropologist might be into what people, given their Moon Laser, chose to write, but that’s not your problem). Similarly so, with those early BBS writings, or the first web forums, or the first photo album sites, or the sites from 1993 and 1994. Interesting, neat, but your “work” among these halting baby steps isn’t causing you despair if it goes away. (And you’re pleasantly surprised when it shows up again, sometimes.)

Contrast, though, when people are dumping hundreds of hours a year into the Cloud. Blowing out photos. Entering day after day of entries. Sharing memories, talking about subjects that matter to them. Linking friends or commenting on statuses or trading twitters or what have you. This is a big piece, a very big piece of what is probably important stuff.

Don’t trust the Cloud to safekeep this stuff. Hell yeah, use the Cloud, blow whatever you want into the Cloud. The Internet’s a big copy machine, as they say. Blow copies into the Cloud. But please:

  • Don’t blow anything into the Cloud that you don’t have a personal copy of.
  • Insult, berate and make fun of any company that offers you something like a “sharing” site that makes you push stuff in that you can’t make copies out of or which you can’t export stuff out of. They will burble about technology issues. They are fucking lying. They might go off further about business models. They are fucking stupid. Make fun of these people, and their shitty little Cloud Cities running on low-grade cooking fat and dreams. They will die and they will take your stuff into the hole. Don’t let them.
  • Recognize a Cloud when you see it. Are you paying for these services? No? You are a sucker. You are giving people stuff for free. I pay for Vimeo and I pay for Flickr and a couple other things. This makes me a customer. Neither of these places get my only copy of anything.
  • If you want to take advantage of the froth, like with YouTube or so Google Video (oh wait! Google Video is going off the air!) then do so, but recognize that these are not Services. These are not dependable enterprises. These are parties. And parties are fun and parties are cool and you meet neat people at parties but parties are not a home.

So please, take my advice, as I go into other concentrated endeavors. Fuck the Cloud. Fuck it right in the ear. Trust it like you would trust a guy pulling up in a van offering a sweet deal on electronics. Maybe you’ll make out, maybe you won’t. But he ain’t necessarily going to be there tomorrow.

And that’s that.

Update:

I wrote this article in January of 2009. Naturally, people who make/made their living off of the concept of “The Cloud” had awesome opinions, some of them by phone. In response, I’ve written a number of follow up articles:

Dancing on Magnolia’s Grave: Fuck the Cloud II

Oh Boy, The Cloud

Outlook is Cloudy

Finally, people who go “wow, I don’t even care about this, I just like that you write long rants that drive people insane” should probably be directed to FaceFacts.

157 Comments

Google Catalogs, RIP —

I’m rather conflicted about the death of Google Catalogs, an excellent tech demonstration by Google of reading and browsing through catalogs of all stripe, implementing near-seamless searching of the content via OCR, so you could search for, say, “tuna hat” and if any of their catalogs (which went into the hundreds) had a tuna hat, you would see it instantly, along with a contextual shot of the catalog page with this text. I mean, that’s pretty amazing. It blew me away back in 2001 when I saw it. It was like magic.

I know the story of this being a side project scanned in a back room at Google and that it grew in attention and space and eventually had a pretty amazing site going. I know, on a historical basis, that these catalogs are themselves historically interesting. Maybe I’m weird that way, but if you browse, for example, the Shelburne Holiday Catalog from decades ago, you can find in it all sorts of perspective on consumer electronics, the process of selling these items, and all the attendant history of that 1983 period. It makes me sad to think all these scanned catalogs will now disappear, although I’m sure within the context of google it will not disappear. We just won’t get to see it.

But having said this and having been sad about the prospect of Google Catalogs’ impending death (and hey, nice 24 hour fucking warning, guys) is the other secret situation, which is Google totally dropped the ball on that site.

The LAND’S END catalog, a constantly updating entity if there ever was one, wasn’t updated for years. Many of them hadn’t been updated for years. The weblog entry that announces the closure indicates that it “hasn’t been as popular as some of our other products”, well fucking yeah. If your site is about catalogs and you don’t update the catalogs for years then people tend not to go to you for catalogs. The “popularity” they speak of is internal popularity, the willingness of people within the company to allocate resources for the somewhat unsexy prospect of scanning catalogs.

They could have opened connections with companies to send them TIFF or JPG files directly. They COULD have offered PDFs. They COULD have set up something where they got some money for doing all this service. But they didn’t and I’m not in the Second-Guess Google’s Business Model business.

But I’m right. The shine is off the apple, the bloom is off the rose. I’m really glad I got to see it before things turned grey and I have one or two very specific people to thank for that; I will never forget it.

I think we have some interesting time ahead.

Oh, and P.S., I’m adding 12 gigabytes of product manuals to pdf.textfiles.com today.

Comments Off on Google Catalogs, RIP

Haloooooooooooooooooooooooooh. —

DELICIOUS GHOST SANDWICH

To everyone I have ever played a game of Halo with, who was spectacularly good when their levels indicated they had barely started within the game; to all those folks whose profile implied they were but mere novices in the Halo 3 universe and yet showed surgeon-like precision in playing against me, utilizing tricks I’d never seen before… I apologize.

I thought you were playing the game. To that end, starting over with a new account so that you would be matched against folks slowly gaining in rank and skill and who were unbelievably overmatched by your tsunami of Halo-induced terror.. well, that would be a dick move.

But today, while talking with a young sprite I’d been matched up against in a doubles match, and faced against two users whose names were, I am not kidding, you can get and it on ebay, a new perspective was foisted upon me.

They’re playing for money.

I know I will sound sarcastic and mean here, but I’m not: this explains everything. It’s a total load off my mind. I was trying to figure out this insane, bizzare behavior by some of these guys. They would have 20 games under their belt and be just massively ranked up. And when they played, well, fuck. They’d run through deadly power drains, run straight at me, drop down from high heights to crack my shit up. It was like fighting The Alien over and over, and I kept wondering what joy there was in playing like an insane kamikaze in a game that encourages, at least peripherally, some strategy.

But see, if it’s for money, then it all makes sense.

What they do is get the accounts up to the top tier (Level 50) as fast as possible, and then sell it on Ebay. Go do a search for “Halo” and “50” and you will see “Halo 50 for Sale” and “We do Halo 50s” and even the scratched out beginnings of a competitive market, with laudings of “we do any variant” and throwing around words like “guaranteed” and “ready to go“, indicating they have, of all things, a stock.

Oh, the confusion and anger that has drained away from me.  These aren’t players, these are wage slaves. They’re not playing a game, they’re at their second job. With this cash, all manner of pot, beer, road trip, food and accessory money is being made. They’re hustling. I can get behind hustling.

Shit, son. Do you know how I made money from 1993-1995? Let’s make that one clear. I used to draw caricatures while dressed in a cow suit. I should make a whole weblog entry on that, but let me just say, that when I was out there at 10pm, dressed like a moron and taking it from crazy college drunks, hangin’ with the homeless and listening to that completely burnt out musician play “No Woman No Cry” for the hundredth fucking time, it was because I’d walk home with a couple hundred bucks. Money I used to pay rent, or be able to take my date out to a nice place, or otherwise get myself a little something to get through the day. That’s right. I’d buy 100-packs of 3.5″ floppies for my Amiga.

I know, I know, a lot of you are going duhhhhhh but that’s because I didn’t think it through. I play Halo because it is a game. I forgot how far things had gone. They’ve gone quite far indeed.

I’ll let you guys have a pass next time. After all, times are tough. And when you’re at the bottom of the wage barrel in an online sweatshop, a little hand up anywhere probably makes your day.

6 Comments

Rob Swindell and the Synchronet Museum —

I interviewed Rob Swindell for the BBS Documentary. At the time, he looked like this:

This is, believe it or not, officially 6 and a half years ago. Time really does fly!  And if you need any further proof of that, his kid was asleep next to me during the interview, here:

And here she is (with younger sister and mom) roughly nowadays:

It is awesome for me to be this old.

Rob’s interview took place around 1 in the morning, too. As I wrote in the journal entry for this particular interview:

I entirely misjudged how long it would take me to drive to Los Angeles, and by the time I got in, it was very late. It was late enough that Rob Swindell’s wife got on the phone when I called in and said it would probably be a good idea for me to sleep somewhere, and not risk crashing the car pushing myself. As it was, I was less than 20 miles from their house at that point, so I went for it. Rob and his wife were very gracious to have me show up so late for an interview, and although the footage doesn’t demonstrate it, it is in fact not an appropriate hour for people to be showing up with cameras.

One thing that’s important to demarcate for Rob over a lot of my other interviewees was that he was one of the few BBS software authors still actively writing and maintaining his software. In fact, he still maintains it to the present day. Add on top of this that he was originally a commercial developer of the software, closed the business, and then turned his product into a totally free one, and you start to see why his perspective was so cool.

Just to bring up one bit of back and forth; Rob and I disagreed on the tone of my movie (it makes it seem BBSes are over) and I completely agree with his position. It was a total oversight on my part.  Here’s some of the original debate about it. We settled this a long time ago. He rules. I rule. Everything rules.

Anyway, Rob, not content to just merely maintain his software and to keep his work alive, and to do so basically for free, and have a full and cool life besides, recently compiled a whole bunch of material related to Synchronet into a museum. Here is his Synchronet Museum, which I have mirrored on bbsdocumentary.com. 

Rob’s attitude in the BBS Documentary as he appears is that of feeling like if you weren’t part of The Club you tended to get shut down or out of a lot of the happenings in the BBS “Industry”, and that he felt like an outsider or not being given a fair shake. His full interview will be on the archive.org collection soon, so you can hear his full discussion, but one of his points is my favorite because it involves a blimp.

At ONE BBSCON, the BBS Conference held by Boardwatch/ONE Inc., the Synchronet company had a blimp. A big ol’ blimp:

I think we can all agree; this is a very noticable blimp.  Rob indicated that throughout all the photos and coverage of ONE BBSCON, they never showed the blimp, and that this possibly was intentional. I did not speak to Jack Rickard or Phil Becker about this, but I am sure they have a different opinion about the blimp. Or no memory of the blimp. What I am saying is that all conflicts should include a blimp. 

Rob’s museum is excellent. It contains flyers, advertisements, writeups, press releases, photos, and all other sorts of materials related to his years with Digital Dynamics (the company) and Synchronet (the software). Were that all people involved with a product that forthright in coming up with their old stuff!

Rob’s the real deal. Check out the museum and enjoy his history.

5 Comments

STAND BACK, WE’RE ARCHIVISTS —

Well, when I wrote my initial angry screed and then followed it up with an angry screed responding to the resulting angry responses I knew I had to act, so I registered archiveteam.org, sat on the IRC channel I mentioned (#archiveteam on EFnet) and waited to see what would happen. I’ve called for projects with collaborators before and most of them tend to die out or not get off the ground.

Not so here.

archiveteam.org is growing by leaps and bounds, we’re having discussions on how best to use our energies, and a heady amount of debate and contentiousness is happening without being accompanied by the attendant bullshit usually cropping up in these situations.

Some people have known me for years. Others never heard of me until now. I won’t so far as to say we’re all friends now, but we’re listening to each other, things are getting done, and I am very, very appreciative.

I’d say more, but the site is the place to go. I am very excited. We’re doing something about it.

archiveteam

4 Comments

Tennis Court Phone —

There’s a strange bit of editing in Debbie Does Dallas I wanted to point out, since there’s something filmatic to be learned from it.

Debbie Does Dallas, in case you’ve missed it, is one of the most successful porn films of all time. The plot, such as it is, concerns some girls who are cheerleaders and want to go to Dallas. They need to raise money, and after they utterly fail at this, they determine that they can make money if they have sex with men for cash. I think I’ve caught the whole zeitgeist.

To this end, the movie is split into two distinct arcs: before and after the girls (Debbie, specifically) figure out that just flashing customers or employers will get even more cash than working. This set of arcs means that situations (working in record store, working in sports store, tennis instruction) are shown twice. Because the film was low budget, they shot both scenes concurrently.

So, in the shots I grabbed here, there’s a scene in the beginning where one of the girls helps two guys play tennis. Later, after this ground-breaking alternative funds acquisition methodology is discovered, she wears no underwear and she goes to a sauna and hooks up with them.

Somewhere in here, though, someone made an interesting choice.

It was decided that she needed to communicate with other characters that her approach of seducing/being seduced by the tennis players was a good idea and the other characters should do it. So they have her call them.

Except she’s on a tennis court. And a setup in another location is more needless filming.

So they combined it. They put a phone on the tennis court.

It’s really completely odd, when you look at it.

xana000081

I mean, it is literally that – a phone in the middle of a tennis court. It’s not on a table, or in a booth, or inside a cooler, or anything. The cord just kind of goes in another direction, off screen. She picks it up and talks on it.

Someone decided this was a good enough idea to bring the phone into the shot, set it up, and leave it while they did the filming. Someone decided this was a proper link between scenes. It is so jarring, I get re-surprised by it every time I see this movie, or catch a reference to it… the Tennis Phone. What the hell, man.

A lot of times, I see films with metaphorical Tennis Phones, jammed into places they shouldn’t be.  When desperation sets, when you find you have no link between two scenes or a character utterly lacks motivation, you sometimes have to fall back on your tennis phone. But the tennis phone should have been fixed long before you stepped on the court.

Either that, or you need lots and lots and lots of hardcore pornography. Just saying.

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Team Archive is GO —

Registered, set up, and now live, ARCHIVETEAM.ORG is a wiki dedicated to saving data, assembling mirroring or retrieval efforts, and providing simple links to methodologies of archiving data. Think of it as a really profane, rough and tumble version of a library sciences convention.

If you are suddenly filled with a sense of outrage or helplessness about the datapocalypse, then stop on by.

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