ASCII by Jason Scott

Jason Scott's Weblog

Greetings, Internet Warrior: The Tangential Sweep —

We rise again with the passage of the sun and toil upon our lessons until the moon shines brightly. We are Internet Warriors and no fight shall be too great to triumph and prevail. Through Words, Dominance.

Your lesson today concerns an easily misunderstood technique, Internet Warrior. When you wish to guide the conversation away from subjects you do not already master and enemies you do not wish to strengthen with attention, you must provide the topic new direction without appearing to do so. This gentle wind, blowing the topic adrift and off course, is called The Tangential Sweep.

Lesser schools teach of the Thread Hijack, a dull and blunt stance that attempts to shift gears by a direct stab at the heart of the topic and a twist in a new direction. It is obvious, easily discerned and quickly vanquished. We will not stain the day with further regard of it.

The Tangential Sweep exerts its influence as one who sprinkles thumbtacks across a hallway; the message is peppered with considerations, phrases that will cause your enemies to fall into the trap of changing the topic and either succeeding or bringing the weight of criticism upon themselves. You are rendered innocent of any suspicion, ready to seize upon the topic change as you see fit but safe and protected should the tide turn.

Let us practice.

The newest model of video card is definitely a top choice; between the default amount of RAM and the driver support, it should work well for any new applications coming up. I recently moved my computer from my NY apartment to the Cape Cod estate so that I could edit my films during lobster season; and with the new monitor I got, I was looking for a card capable of driving a 30″ behemoth. This card does the trick.

Ah, you have gotten the general idea, Internet Warrior; a video card posting becomes a reference to New York City, Cape Code, Lobsters, and that you own an unusually large video monitor. Any of these may trip up your enemies into moving the conversation outside of the thread. Let’s see a more intense approach.

There’s nothing wrong with the main argument being presented here, but I’m worried, as someone who struggles through the day with pressures I don’t want to talk about, how this might be perceived outside this forum. I think this begs the question, though – is this the best way to go about this? I’ll see if I can come up with a better example of what I’m talking about after physical therapy.

Even better. Now you have wrapped the discussion into a flowing, majestic stream of references to yourself. Curious posters need merely inquire to your pressures, your physical therapy, and your “discussion of the discussion”. Any of these carefully laid traps will ensnare an unsuspecting combatant into a tangential discussion, and as the sweet smell of success, this discussion will be about you. We recall: There is no finer conversation than the conversation others shall have about you. Very well done, Warrior.

This is a most difficult technique; many of our brethren have been spotted in the open attempting it. But the rewards are great, and should you master The Tangential Sweep, you will know a pleasure of victory few are lucky enough to know.

I hear the bell for dinner; run as fast as you can, to get the best portions.

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  1. Threads R. Derailing says:

    Do you know what happened to Whitedust security? Their site is ggone and all they left was a simple cryptic textfile in its place.

  2. John says:

    Yeah, Whitedust is the latest internet ghost town, kinda like Tribe. Wonder who’s going to be next?

    Ars Technica?

    Fox News?