ASCII by Jason Scott

Jason Scott's Weblog

Greetings, Internet Warrior: Infantalize your Quarry —

It is an honor and a personal pleasure to serve you today, Internet Warrior, in the guise of teacher. I may be called the teacher, but we are both teachers, and both students. Learned and learning, known and yet to know; this is the circle of the education that we will dive into, with vigor and respect.

I will make you aware, as you might already be aware within you, of five deadly techniques of Internet Warriors, passed down from generation to generation. As the screen shields our faces from the harsh light of observation, so too can it be a channel to strike your enemies from lands both afar and within arm’s reach. We will discover one technique a day.

Today’s technique is infantalizing your quarry. This is one of the Internet Warrior’s most tried and true techniques, dating far back, far before the Internet Warriors first struck out online, far past the day of the nascent motorcar and the era of the crafted item, prepared for sale. It is truly a classic, never to even know the idea of “style”, much less be influenced by it or be considered in or out of it.

To infantalize your quarry is to immediately frame your opponents as being naive, unaware, adhering to their choices and beliefs out of a fiery passion of youth instead of the strength of logic and the mind. As such, the position taken by your opponent is designated as poisoned ground, unworthy to grow the seeds of belief and the stump from which to take a stand.

Let us practice together.

Nothing makes me laugh harder than to hear the fanboys spout off about shit they don’t know the first thing about. If you’d put down your little fanboy sunglasses, you’d do a little research and buy some real equipment. Until then, enjoy your little toys while the professionals get the job done.

Excellent, Warrior. You block off the opponent before they have a chance to speak; all their words are wasted defending the tools instead of beginning to declare their skills. A wise and patient person will realize that to defend tools with words instead of deeds is a vacuum from which no tasks will emerge; the warrior has deflected them from their own skills and they are forced to defend the skills of those who made the tools, who need no defending at all.

Let us try a more insidious infantalization.

Jesus Christ, not this crap again. I thought we were here to get something done and be a community, not waste our time going over the same old arguments. I’m unsubbing until this place grows up. If anyone needs me, e-mail me.

Yes, yes! Your moves are harsh, swift, and deft, Warrior. Note how you declare the nebulous enemy around you as the source of the problem, declare the battleground a lost cause, and walk away unscathed. You have had to expend no effort on the bridging of communication with others; instead you have succeeded in filtering for the opponents who will follow your directions, and come hat in hand to your doorstep. Well played, well played.

One more for today.

Does anyone else even HAVE one of these? It’s getting a little tiring talking about this stuff without anyone being able to post a picture of their stuff and what they’re up to. I’ve been using one for some time now, and at least I know I have more to learn. If you don’t know, don’t post.

Perfection! You have cleaved off the users who could possibly stand up to you by indicating that unless they fulfill a set of requirements you have designated, they are not properly prepared to engage you in conversation. You are the driver of the thread, the warrior who stands unmoved at the head of the table and who will now declare what portions your less-worthy companions are entitled to have. You have made them children, mute lessers who will be considered crybabies if they question you.

You have learned well today, Internet Warrior. Commence your supper and mucking out of the floppy disk piles and then you may sleep and await tomorrow’s lesson.

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