This little gem got contributed to me this week: a recording of people screwing around on a phone conference in 1987, doing a little ditty called the Modem Man Rap. Here’s the 866k mp3 file.

I figured I’d transcribe the greatness for you.

All right, take it from the top…. the Modem Man Rap

Yo my name is Modem Man and I’m K-Kool
But some people think I’m one big fool
I hack out Sprint and ITT
Wherever I go I make calls for free

All the kids call my phreaky phone line
And get the new codes all the time
Here is an Allnet for you
It’s 5163452
Tell me if it works, cause I don’t know
‘Cause it was hacked out by the Toad

In case you haven’t heard the news
Magnus got busted he’s one dumb dude
He hacked out 90 codes from MCI
And knocking down the door came the FBI
They busted in his door the very next day
Took his crystal ball and his brand new Hayes
They got all his numbers and even his loops
So he jumped on the phone and called Zarniwoop!

Word man, word man, that was bad, word

My name is Style, and I am fine
So call me on the other line
Style, please get off the phone
So your little sister can call home
Please go use the other line
But don’t be long, it’s dinner time
Better yet, go clean your room
And don’t forget to use the broom
I’m going to unplug your BBS
If you don’t start cleaning up this mess

Listen guys, I got to jam
Dinner’s ready, and we’re having spam
Too bad, cuz I’m having a ball
I just love conference calls

I’ll repair the gaps and mistakes if the original contributor gives me corrections, or others help me out with them. I did my best.

Notably, this 1987 rap calls into question a whole discussion that I got yanked into recently over the origins of “woot”. Obviously this rapper uses “Woot” within the same context that many people online do 3-4 years later, even explicitly rhyming it with “loot”. I doubt this was the origin for it, but at least it brings another artifact to the table. An Update: I am wrong, and it’s been corrected to reflect that.

The rap, now twenty years old, mentions a few pieces of phreak/hack history worth noting. It mentions having an Allnet, which was one of the also-ran phone companies. I’m going to use a paragraph from elsewhere to describe it:

“One of the first independents out of the gate after the 1984 breakup of AT&T, Allnet Communication Services was once the fourth-largest long-distance provider in the US. The product of a merger between Chicago-based Allnet and Detroit-based Lexitel, Allnet stood apart from its competition by being the first major player to lease its network infrastructure rather than purchase soon-outdated equipment. While AT&T and MCI employed analog microwave (the hissy long-distance that we remember as kids), Allnet leased digital microwave and fiber from other players, resulting in clearer calls and more network flexibility. Despite this technical superiority, Allnet got dinged frequently on its customer service, which seemed to suffer from high turnover and low consistency. Allnet was acquired by Frontier Communications in 1995. ” [1]

By the way, the 10xxx code for Allnet was 10444. When the rapper mentions Allnet “codes”, what he means is you would call Allnet’s access numbers (because using a 10xxx number would bill the phone you calling from), and then you’d type in a numeric code to charge it to your account. This way, you could use your account to call from anywhere in the country…. and so could others!

Also notable is the use of “K-Kool”, which is well in use at this point in history, accompanying the still-in-vogue K-Rad as a tech slang term. However, nobody appears to still use the term “Got to jam” to mean “I have to leave now.”

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