I've bitched out a few people who've tried to get me to "endorse" their little messy get-rich-quick schemes, especially when they do so in a way that shows they neither know me, care to, or even tried to understand why I do what I do and work with that.

Finally, I got a letter that succeeds! So here we go:

 Date: Fri, 09 Feb 2007 18:59:46 +0000
 From: Bogart DeJoint 
 To: Jason Scott 
 Subject: Uncle Bogart wants YOU...
 
 ...to join the Free Internet!
 
 We crazy mofos at the FreeNIC (freenic.org) have started an alternate DNS
 root for non-commercial sites. In a nutshell, that means no ads, no spam,
 and no fees for being listed in our top-level domain (.free). We want to
 bring back the anti-corporate spirit of the BBS age, to return to a way
 of life where Internet users are not viewed simply as consumers to be
 exploited for financial gain.
 
 Now, normally we wait for people to come to us and say "I want my free
 domain. Bitch best recognize." But in this case, we think your site would
 be such a tremendous asset (not to be confused with a tremendous asshole)
 to the project that we're making this request the other way around.
 Really, we're nothing like those 247 WhoreMedia douchebags. Nobody is
 trying to profit off your work. We hate profit. We just see that
 textfiles.com provides enormous amounts of interesting content without a
 single ad, and that's exactly we're looking for on the Free Internet.
 
 All we'd like is to point a .free domain (be it textfiles.free or any
 other domain/s of your choice) to the textfiles.com servers, and then for
 you to post something on your weblog along the lines of "I'm on the [Free
 Internet] (linky-linky to freenic.org) at textfiles.free, and wouldn't it
 kick ass if more people joined us. It's free as in freedom *and* as in
 free weed!" Now that you're on a six entry a week schedule, surely there
 are slow news days where you can fit in this kind of stuff? Surely an
 Internet root that says "fuck the corporate world, biaatch!" deserves a
 mention on your weblog?
 
 Well, there you have it, that's the pitch. With your help, the Free
 Internet can get past the concept stage and on to the "free porn" stage.
 We have an IRC server at irc.freenic.org, where we answer serious
 questions (#free) or generally monkey-ass around while getting high
 (#hash). If you dropped by, you'd at least get some free virtual pizza.
 With pot. Which you know would totally own, so come on, help us take back
 the Internet! NOOCH!
 
 w3rd, I'm out.

What wins here:

• Humor.
• No attempt to get me to put "ads" up on textfiles.com.
• No attempt to make it sound like they're doing me a "favor" instead of the other way around.
• Profanity. (See: Humor)
• Drug references. I don't do drugs but I do do drug humor. (See: Humor)

So there you go, there's this alternative NIC thing running which is apparently run by toked-out hippies using their nameservers as a bong but also giving you essentially free DNS for your trouble. If this attracts you, go for it. Otherwise, relax; smoke some of this.